Lighthouse provides focus

A ship was lost in the fog, the darkness of the night. The captain saw a light directly in front of them. Thinking it was another vessel…he sent a message – “Change your course 10 degrees to the north.”

A message came back, “Change your course 10 degrees to the south.”

A little incensed, the captain sent a second message, “Sir, this is the captain speaking. Change your course 10 degrees to the north!”

The clear, calm reply came back, “Sir, this is a Seaman First Class speaking, “Change your course 10 degrees to the south.”

Now the irate captain sent a third message. “Sir! This is a battleship! Change your course 10 degrees lo the north!”

The third message returned slowly and clearly, “Sir, this is a lighthouse. Change your course 10 degrees to the south.”

Change is certainly a big part of life; it is all around us. We have the choice of being open to change or staying the same as we have always been. But there is one tendency. That is to ex­pect change out of others, but not ourselves. We tend to set standards by which others should change to mea­sure up to our expectations.

Often children may seem to be openly rebellious as the seaman in the lighthouse, but if we were to stop and listen, we might find a level of growth that would truly astound us in the lives of our children.

Notice that the seaman did not de­clare his position immediately. This is often the case in a situation where communication is vague. Even though the captain was sincere in his thinking…he was sincerely wrong!

This may not always be the case with teens, but there must be a level of acceptance and an attempt to commu­nicate the proper information when change is needed or requested. The key is listening and then following up with patient guidance. Our children will change! But our task, as parents, is to guide that change on an acceptable course.

As parents, we must be open to change in every area of our lives – not only in ourselves, but in our children as well. Just as a child has not advanced beyond their present age, it is important that, as parents, we, too, have not been this way before with our children. As painful as it may be, “Change is often the yardstick by which growth is measured.”

It is not unreasonable for us to be open and honest with our children. A child says, “Why?” – it should be an opportunity for a parent to open the lines of communication with more than – “Because I said so.” This is con­fusing to a child and does not advance the relationship between the parent and the child.

Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps the child will respond to a future request if he or she knows that they will be given a simple explana­tion of why the parent is asking them to do or not to do a certain thing?

When a parent exercises their authority without respect for the child…then rebellion – not obedience is being built into that child. A little tender­ness and love is always the best rem­edy to build up a child’s life. Try it! It will make a difference as you grow together in your parent/child relationship.

Old friend Robert said, “There are places in your heart you never knew existed until you love a baby. A baby will make your days shorter, love stronger, bankroll smaller, clothes shabbier, home happier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.”